Flashbacks

There are so many little triggers here that recall strong emotions from our two previous stays here, when we knew so little and our family's lives had abruptly changed forever.

The soft tones from medical monitors. When an alert sounds on Mark's, or from another room, and wakes you up because you're sleeping so light, and you remember what it was like to wake up before, having forgotten why you were here, and it all came crashing back.

The vaguely British female voice in the elevator. "Going down", "first floor", that reminds you of when you sometimes allowed yourself 15 seconds to break down a little when you were alone.

The view out the south side of the building, where you see passing traffic on I-5, and remember how you watched them before and wondered which ones had people living through their own major trials and which ones carried people blissfully unaware.

We are on the 4th floor right now, one underneath the PICU on the 5th. Already had the opportunity to share the elevator with parents of kids up there, with their tear-stained faces telling a familiar tale of fear and upheaval.

For us it is getting easier, and you may have seen me say before, it is our new normal. Yes your world stops for three or four days, but then it starts to go again, because it has to. It's like climbing into a tub of cold water. Very difficult, very unpleasant, and very hard to function at anything else when all you are doing is freaking out about the cold water reaching your belly button. But once you're in and accustomed to it, you can carry on a conversation again. Usually.

Mark is watching Despicable Me 2, just finished a light breakfast of pancakes, and is fighting off the expected nausea that is starting to materialize. Huddled under his favorite red blanket, we are still getting occasional commentary on the film, but he is fading out fast into a nap.

Thanks for your prayers, thanks for reading, and don't forget to consider all the trials people all around you every day are going through. Afford people the benefit of the doubt, assume a positive intention, and be kind.