Saturday, July 11, 2015

Tonight

Today started with another episode of vomiting along with a long nose bleed. We changed his meds around again and he got another transfusion of platelets. Then he spiked a fever. They took blood for a culture, but in the mean time he's on a new set of antibiotics via iv for at least 48 hrs. We also asked them midday to start giving him some morphine. He's been able to rest peacefully since then; no more moaning.

Frank came to relieve me tonight. I packed up all of my stuff, briefed him on all the "important"things he needed to know, and made it as far as the door of the room before I completely broke down crying. Other than the 2 nights I was sick after his second surgery I have been with Mark for every appt, hospital stay, etc, and I wasn't ready emotionally to let go of that. I'm not sure about all of the psychological reasons, but I just couldn't do it. My sweet husband held me while I cried, called home to explain the situation (because I couldn't bear to hear disappointment in my other children's voices), and went home to look after everyone.

I feel like it's a control thing - there is really nothing we can control about what is happening to our child, but I can do this one set of things: I can sit by him, argue for him, help him, hold the vomit bag for him. I can wipe his face when he's sick and lean in close to hear his words that are barely a whisper at this point because of the pain in his throat. These are the things I can do for him, and I wasn't ready to let that go tonight.

11 comments:

  1. How sad. My heart aches for u guys. This made me cry. I love u guys

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  2. Oh Wendi! I totally understand. When one of my kids is sick I want to be the one with them, even if dad has the day off and could take care of them. It's the curse of the mothers heart! I know that this has been so hard on all of you and I hope even the littlest ones understand that you want to be with them too but their brother needs you a little bit more right now. You are blessed with a wonderful, supportive husband and you are a strong woman and it's okay to show some vulnerability sometimes, you are human after all. Just keep going one moment at a time. Hold Mark tight and hug and kiss him as much as he will tolerate. I love you so much!!!

    Dawnya

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  3. I'm so sorry friend for the pain you're feeling, for the words you express and the fears/words you do not express. I continue to lift you in prayer and ask our Heavenly Father to give you peace and strength for this portion of the path your family is traveling right now. Know you are loved and prayed for DAILY by several <3 <3 <3. You are a wonderful mother. Your husband and children are blessed to have you.

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  4. Again, your transparency touches my heart. You made water come out of my face. So sorry my friend.

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  5. My family has always done it that way also. We sit with our sick in the hospital, even if they are unconscious. It is a love thing. My heart is aching and my eyes are leaking. I love you. -Shelley Rose

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  6. I totally understand your feelings Wendy and I greatly appreciate your willingness to be able to share so openly with us all! I cannot begin to know how awful this is for you entire family but please know that we are always thinking about you guys! The McGinley's

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  7. As always, thank you all for your words. Hugs to you all!

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  8. Erin Lund JohnsonJuly 12, 2015 at 3:17 PM

    This is such a mama-feeling, wanting to comfort and care for, to see them through until the pain has passed, sitting and feeling it with them, even while being strong and comforting for them. Love and hugs to you all! xo

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  9. Such strength you all have, such Faith. Our prayers continue...

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  10. Praying for continued strength, compassion and peace for your family.... God, supply their needs this moment and hopefully into the next....

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  11. Praying for you always. You are wonderful parents.

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